Paleo Biscuits {Four Ways}

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Red Lobster Cheddar Biscuits

Most of us have guilty pleasures.  My husband, who is an indie music aficionado, loves a little Brittany Spears.  It’s not uncommon for him to rock out to “Toxic” while taking a long run. An old boss of mine, who was a MAJOR wine snob, loved the occasional bottle of Boone’s Farm. My very health-conscious BFF can’t resist a spoonful of Cool Whip in all of it’s chemical creaminess, especially when it’s frozen.  No matter what your “thing” is, you almost undoubtedly have a guilty pleasure.

Or, if you’re like me, your guilty pleasure list rivals your regular {translation: acceptable} pleasure list.

At the top of my foodie GP list?  Red Lobster cheddar biscuits.   Fluffy, cheesy, herby, and comforting baked heaven. I hate that I love them, but it I just can’t help it.  Maybe they’re rooted in childhood nostalgia.  Maybe I love bread and cheese a little too much.  Maybe I’m a secret lover of chain restaurants.

Or maybe I just like what I like.

At any rate, I can’t eat those little biscuits from heaven without feeling like I’ve been dragged through hell the next day.  I’m sure the less-than-quality ingredients have at least a little something to do with it.  Also, wheat is my mental/emotional/physical kryptonite. I turn into a puddly mess approximately one hour after eating it and it takes me a full 24 hours to recover.

So, I did what any other carb-loving, cheese-worshiping home cook would do: I adapted it.  No gluten, no fuss, no troublesome dough or wheat-induced weeping.  Just good, old-fashioned guilty pleasure food.  Minus some of the guilt.

Ingredients:

  • 1/3 cup coconut flour, sifted
  • 3 Tbsp butter, cubed
  • 4 eggs
  • 1 Tbsp raw honey
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1 tsp apple cider vinegar
  • 1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar
  • 1-2 Tbsp chives (dried or fresh)
  • 1 Tbsp Italian Seasoning (optional)
  • 1 tsp red pepper flakes (optional)

Directions:

  1. In a medium mixing bowl, combine flour, butter baking powder, eggs, honey, and apple cider vinegar until completely incorporated. (Butter will be slightly lumpy, and that’s okay.)
  2. Add chives and red pepper flakes then combine, and fold in cheese last.
  3. On a parchment paper lined baking sheet, drop biscuits with a spoon and flatten slightly.
  4. Bake for 15 minutes at 400 degrees.  Allow to cool almost completely before eating.

Variations

Maybe you don’t love cheese.  Maybe you just want plain biscuits.  THAT’S OKAY, TOO.  There is no wrong way to eat these bad boys.  You can omit the cheese and herbs, and you’ll be left with a simple coconut flour biscuit perfect for Eggs Benedict or a snack on the go.

If you’re craving sweet over savory, omit cheese and herbs, and add 1/4 cup raw chopped pecans, 1 tsp cinnamon, 1 tsp of vanilla extract, and 3 Tbsp of raw honey or Grade B Maple Syrup.

And finally, if you’re totally into cheese but are strictly paleo or dairy intolerant, sub 1/4 cup nutritional yeast for the cheese and add two tablespoons of unsweetened almond milk. This is my favorite variation for savory sandwiches.

Guilty Forever,

Carrie

Doing TED: Why I Hate Gluten-Free Anything

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GlutenFreeChampagneLady

Do you ever just want to punch people when they say they’re gluten-free?

Yeah, me, too.

Turns out, I’m wanting to punch the chick in the mirror because, while I’m thoroughly annoyed with myself about not eating gluten, the simple fact of the matter is, I’m a better person without out it. But I will make no bones about the fact that I would much rather eat wheat than not. So here it is, Internets:

I miss gluten.

I miss croissants.  I miss cake. (Especially on my birthday…which is today.)  I miss crusty artisan bread and fluffy, buttery biscuits.  I miss gluten-laden foods and get irrationally angsty about my inability to eat waffles with my friends at brunch or a even a bite of birthday pie at a party.  I want to shout it from the rooftops.  I MISS YOU, GORGEOUS GLUTEN!

I’m on a Total Elimination Diet (TED), which should also be called Eating in Purgatory because it is one step away from hell.  Okay. Maybe I’m being a tad dramatic, but gluten hasn’t passed these lips in almost a year and I’m sad.  Gluten-sad. Which is the saddest food-sad of all.

I’m not doing TED for my own benefit, even though I’m a LOT nicer in a general sense when I abstain from glutenous goodness.  I’m doing this for my son who has a severe reaction to gluten in my breast milk.  And oats.  And chicken eggs.  And peanuts.  And….the list goes on.  It’s okay.  I won’t bore you with it.  But suffice it to say, I’m really anticipating digging into a plate of Eggs Benedict and a jar of Justin’s peanut butter with a spoon for dessert when my son is fully weaned.  Which will be sometime before college, or so I’m told.

As people stuck in Purgatory are prone to do, I’ve bargained.  I’ve tasted and tried and pushed the limits.  I’ve regretted the very few times I’ve strayed, mostly because it sets my son back in his health journey.  And if I’m being transparent here, gluten kind of makes me testy.  I get irritable.  Irritable isn’t the right word.  Horrendously Bitchy is a better description. Approximately 30 minutes after I consume gluten, I start to feel weepy and angry and crazy.  My head might actually start to spin. Gluten and I don’t really get along, and before I know it, I’m not getting along with anyone else, either.  My husband (who is also sensitive to gluten) and I start to pick and snip and snap at each other, and then we both need a nap to recover from the gluten indulgence. Except we are too busy to nap, so then we just melt down. Crazy, right? Turns out, TED is good for everyone in my family at the moment. Dammit.

So, as long as I’m doing TED (that phrase makes me giggle every time because I’m really 14), I’m committed to making food that makes me nice-ish, and making it well. Because if I’m going to get in the kitchen and go through all the effort to prep, cook, eat, and (eventually) clean up, then it’s gotta be a total food win.  I need to feel like I’m not damned to food purgatory.

Here are some of my favorite recipes that TED has inspired me to make.  And thanks, TED.  My baby, my husband, and my soul are eternally grateful for lighting a fire and moving us one step closer to gluten-free heaven.

Sunbutter Brownies made with a few ingredients and easily adaptable for low-sugar diets. You can also use other kinds of nut or seed butters if you’re feeling adventurous.

Who needs fried chicken when you have crispy skin and robust flavor?  This is my all-time favorite chicken recipe, and it’s so simple.

I have a secret love affair with cereal, but I can’t find any that agree with TED.  So, I came up with this grain-free granola recipe and I like it way better than real cereal.

BREAD.  I don’t think I need to sell you on this one.

And Hummingbird Cake for my birthday.  Because every birthday needs cake.

Finally, when I’m feeling fancy and energetic (which happens about once a year on the same day) I go for this Brown Butter Crumble recipe.  Because butter.

What are your favorite gluten-free recipes?
Yours in Gluten-Free Purgatory,
Carrie

 

 

 

 

Meyer Lemon Coconut Tartlet

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coconut lemon tartletThis time of year is always packed full of sweet treats and ridiculously tasty holiday food.  As a mama on a breast-feeding elimination diet, I find sticking to my eating plan particularly challenging during these winter months.  I wrote about it more in-depth over on The Leaky Boob, and gave a few tips for dealing with social gatherings while on an elimination diet.

I’ve also come up with elimination diet-friendly coconut tartlet, (unless you can’t eat coconut, then let me know and I’ll create something just for you), and handy little infographic that I’m considering printing out in miniature and passing out at holiday gatherings.  Okay.  I’m not seriously considering passing it out, but I’ve definitely daydreamed about it.  Feel free to add your own semi-ridiculous things to the list and share.  We can all have a good laugh over it.

Meyer Lemon Coconut Tartlet

Ingredients for Crust:
1 cup shredded coconut
1/2 cup almond meal
1/4 cup butter, softened
1 egg (optional, binds crust better)
1/4 cup coconut crystals

Directions for Crust:
1) Combine coconut, almond flour and coconut crystals
2) Add butter and mix well, then blend in egg
3) Press into individual tart dishes and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes
4) Remove and allow to cool completely

Ingredients for Tart Filling
3 cans coconut milk, chilled in can (full fat, and use the separated cream only)
3-4 lemons, depending on size
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 Tbsp raw honey
10 drops liquid stevia (optional)

Directions for Tart Filling:
1) Juice lemons by rolling them on the counter top with the heel of your hand, then squeeze juice. (I always put a fork in the halved lemon and squeeze and twist around it.)  Strain the juice to eliminate pulp and seeds.
2) Zest lemon skin into juice.  Organic lemons are best and recommended for this.
3) Take the cream from the cans of coconut and  whip into lemon juice and zest.
4) Scrape down sides of bowl, then add honey, stevia, and vanilla extract and blend well.
5) Scoop into fully cooled tart dishes, garnish with fresh raspberries, and serve!

*Note: One really great thing about this recipe is the tarts don’t need immediate refrigeration.  They are actually best at room temperature.  If you do refrigerate them, make sure to remove at least 30-40 minutes in advance so the coconut can warm up and be nice and creamy when you serve it.

 

Sunbutter Brownies

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Photo of Sunbutter BrowniesOne of my nieces, C, has a wicked peanut allergy.  It’s the epi-pen-everywhere-she-goes kind of peanut allergy.  She’s dealt with it all of her 11 years, long before it was the popular allergy to have. C was my first exposure to the reality of how profoundly devastating food allergies can be. I vividly remember my sister-in-law cleaning out their pantry and offering me a box full of nuts and nut products. The gentle reminders via email or phone call from my brother about their new nut-free home before weekend visits and family vacations in an effort keep C safe.

At the time, I didn’t grasp how drastically every social interaction changed for my brother’s family the moment C’s allergy necessitated an epi pen. It was a very serious condition for such a tiny human to deal with, and although I was fully committed to keeping her safe, I still forgot to leave the cashews in the car sometimes or check the label on her treats to make sure they weren’t made in a facility that processed peanuts. Luckily, my brother, sis-in-law, and oldest niece were vigilant and wouldn’t let anything that even hinted at peanuts to cross the threshold. (As it turns out, it was crazy hard to find toddler treats processed in a peanut-free facility 10 years ago. Now, it’s a bit easier because food allergies are so prevalent. ) I wish I could go back to 20-something year-old Carrie and give her a good shake about the reality of food allergies, and the sonic effect families with food allergies experience.

In spite of her challenges, C has always had a resilient and sunny attitude, even when it meant missing out on a special treat or experience with her friends or big sister.  C bounces along, continually looking for the silver lining, sharing her bright energy and outlook with the world. I wanted to create something especially for C, since nuts of all kinds are off limits now, and her family is trying to cut back on sugar. She’s a total chocoholic (it runs in the family!). Of course you can always sub a different seed or nut butter, but these are so yummy, there’s no need!

Ingredients:

  • 1 16 oz jar of smooth sunbutter
  • 2 eggs
  • 
1 avocado (yep, you read that right) or 1/4 cup coconut oil…but it won’t be as good as the avocado.
  • 1 cup coconut crystals
  • 
1 Tbsp vanilla extract
20 drops liquid stevia
  • 
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 bar of 90% dark chocolate, chopped
  • 
pinch of salt

Directions:

  1. Mash the avocado until totally smooth. You can put it in the food processor if you’d like.
  2. Add sunbutter, vanilla extract, stevia, eggs, and blend VERY WELL.
  3. Combine baking powder, cocoa powder, salt, and erythritol in a separate bowl, then add to sunbutter mixture, mixing well.
  4. Press mixture into 9×13 glass baking dish, and spread evenly. (A smaller dish is fine, too.)
  5. Sprinkle dark chocolate chunks over the top of the batter.
  6. Bake at 325 degrees for about 30-40 minutes.
  7. Allow to cool for 30 minutes before cutting.