Family Life Archives - Page 2 of 8

Feeding Echo and Finding Purpose – Our Life with FPIES

September 25, 2015 by Carrie 3 Comments

A few weeks ago, our local news station asked our family to do a news segment on FPIES. We talk about FPIES almost weekly here in an effort to raise awareness around food allergies, and I’m all about raising awareness wherever and whenever I can. So, of course we said yes.

{Watch our story here.}

Our awesome story teller, Kerry Tomlinson. — Our wonderful story teller, Kerry Tomlinson.

I love the story, I love how well they captured the sweetness of my boy, his gentle, joyful spirit, and most of all his interaction with his dad. The news got about 85% of the story right, and I’m grateful for that. But they missed a few details, and one major detail that I want to express:

Echo’s illness changed everything.

From the ashes of that first year, a new life was born. I don’t mean a human life, (although we were terrified of losing our baby for the first 18 months of his life). But this. This work, this site, this whole idea was formed from the grief.

Hospital — Echo, two days old and fighting for his life after a stroke.

In the summer of 2014, my long-time friend, Jessica, asked me to write our story for The Leaky Boob. I was in the middle of dealing with massive PTSD, chronic mastitis from exclusively pumping milk from boobs that just wanted to quit, a crumbling marriage, and figuring out a way to keep our son alive and thriving in the midst of an illness nobody, even specialists, know much about. He had three “safe” foods at the time: TED breastmilk (wherein I was limited to 12 foods at one point in time), coconut oil, and spinach. Nightmares of feeding tubes and bankruptcy and divorce tormented my sleep, while emotional paralysis, physical pain, and extreme anxiety plagued me during the day.

Echo's second FPIES vomit-to-shock reaction. — Echo’s second FPIES vomit-to-shock reaction when he was 8 months old.

I said yes to telling our story. Beyond the fear and the trauma, I knew other families were dealing with the same issues. They were dealing with the despair, discouragement, and constant barely-subdued terror that their child might not make it. And what if their kid does make it? What kind of life and wounds will this struggle indelibly imprint their little bodies and spirits with? I started three drafts, scrapped them all, and then Echo had a vomit reaction to green beans in the middle of it all. And that was it. The impetus I needed to get it all out in real time.

This season. Trying to keep it all together and almost losing our marriage in the process. — This season. Trying to keep it all together and almost losing each other in the process.

Our story isn’t just for FPIES families, though. It is for every family who has faced unimaginable obstacles and trauma. Maybe it looks like FPIES, maybe it looks like unknown illness, maybe it looks like a brain tumor or infant hearing loss. Maybe it looks like a massive struggle with self-care or divorce or being a terrible friend for a season.

EchoandLance — Echo eating for the first time at a chain restaurant.

Telling our story gave me access to the power I needed to find my way through, even though I never quite knew the next step until I took it. It gave me just enough Brave to inch ahead of my Scared, and continues to fuel the heart of this little corner of the Internet where I believe Everyone deserves a seat at this table.

Thank you for being a part of this community.

Thank you for continuing to give us, and other families, a voice.

Thank you for sharing posts that are relevant to you with people you love.

Thank you for enjoying the food and laughter and tears and gathering here to have a human experience. This doesn’t happen without you.

Thank you.

Love,
Carrie, Lance, and Echo

“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. They come together and they fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”

― Pema Chödrön

Protein Packed Make-Ahead Mini Frittatas

September 15, 2015 by Jessica Martin-Weber 2 Comments

*Looking for the recipe and want to skip the back story? Skip down to the portion just under the picture of food, between rows of ******************.*

On Sunday evenings during the school year, I make 36 mini frittatas.

I know, I know, who needs 36 mini frittatas?

Nobody would ask that if I was making cookies, that would be perfectly understandable. Making 3 dozen cookies is when a recipe feels worth the effort. But there’s usually sugar, chocolate, and other ingredients that aren’t great for breakfast involved in cookies so who wouldn’t want 36 of them? And that’s not even talking about for sharing.

But frittatas? Eggs and veggies? Sure, they can be great but who really needs 36?

For starters: brunch. Can you imagine 3 dozen darling little frittatas stacked and displayed for a dozen or so of your closest friends over at your place for Sunday brunch? It would be so charming and everyone would think you were the best at brunching. They would probably be right too.

Brunch would be a lovely reason to make 36 frittatas.

That has never been my reason for making 36 frittatas.

Personally I do it because on any given day during the school year I’m trying to get myself, my husband, and anywhere from 2-6 children fed, clothed, packed, and out the door by 7am. (I have 6 children with various schedules, it depends on the day as to who is going where.) There are 8 of us to feed and somehow get dressed. Since I will say on average “please put on your pants” 73 times, “you need to wear a shirt” 41 times, “didn’t you just have your socks” nearly 106 times, and of course “You have to be kidding me, where are your shoes” close to 312 times each morning Monday-Friday, breakfast needs to not be time consuming but it needs to be healthy. And something I can toss at my kids as they’re stuffing their feet into the magically elusive shoes when we’re walking out the door. If there are 36 already made mini frittatas in the fridge or freezer, this means our chance of actually eating is higher than their chance of finding their shoes. This is why I make 3 dozen frittatas on Sunday evening.

This is my attempt at having my life together, pretending to be organized, and making mornings smoother.

You would think this means we are never late. You would be wrong.

Because doing 1 thing or even 2 that are organized and prepared doesn’t change two crucial facts:

I am not organized.

Children are involved.

In our family of 8 at least 3 of us have high protein needs, particularly in the mornings (I think it is more like 8 of us but I’m not going to try to convince them of that). If we start off with a high carb breakfast without a good dose of protein we’re going to be feeling yucky, irritable, and falling asleep by 9am if not sooner. Since I am one of those 3 people, a carby start to the day pretty much means everyone has a crabby start to the day. Because when mom isn’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. Combine the protein needs with the low nutritional value of most cereals, we aim for a quick and easy tasty protein choice that is usually egg based.

These 36 mini frittatas fit the bill. And make for a happy mom.

The size means that the teens can eat as many as they need, (usually 2-4) and the little kids can have just the right amount for them (usually 1-2). Customizable little bites, we change them a little every week. One week we’ll be eating broccoli bacon and cheese protein packed mini frittatas and the next we’ll be eating sausage asparagus, tomato protein packed mini frittatas. Add a bit of salsa, tomatoes, and black beans and we’re having Tex-Mex bites. Next time chop some black olives, green onions, marinated artichoke hearts, and pancetta and we’re going Mediterranean inspired. Everybody awaits Monday morning breakfast with anticipation of “I wonder what the frittata surprise will be this week?”

Ok, that’s not true. But after a week of having pretty much eaten the same thing for breakfast nearly every day, they do seem happy for a change. “Oh look, we finally get a break from broccoli, it’s another green veggie instead… wait, no, it’s broccoli again. She just pureed it.”

I like broccoli and as a frozen vegetable it does very well and I almost always have some in the freezer. But in late summer when we have 600 zucchinis I really like zucchini mini frittatas so see, sometimes I go wild and really do change things up.

This recipe is one I created after a few years of tweaking and experimenting. It is meant to be flexible and leave room for creativity. It isn’t an exact science. If you find you like them more eggy, add more eggs or take away some of the filling. If you don’t do dairy, make them dairy-free. If you don’t do meat, leave out the meat. If you don’t do broccoli… don’t tell me. Change up the mix-ins however strikes your fancy or that your children will eat. The point of these little darlings is to simplify life, not make it more complicated. Make them your own.

And I hope you get to serve them for brunch. Nobody would even know you made them the week before if you did.

***********************************************************************

Protein Packed Make-Ahead Mini Frittatas
Bake time: 18 minutes at 350.

12-18 eggs*
3/4 C unsweetened milk of your choice (dilute almond milk 2:1)
3 tbsp of your favorite fresh herbs (we used parsley, basil, and chives)
OR
3 tsp of your favorite dried fresh herbs (i.e. rosemary, sage, oregano, etc.)
1 C cooked quinoa (be sure to rinse before cooking)
1/4 tsp salt (slightly more if not using a salty meat option)
1 tsp ground black pepper
2 C precooked to tender chopped veggies (broccoli, mushrooms, asparagus, onions, peppers, etc.)
1 C choice of shredded or crumbled cheese, optional (mozzarella, cheddar, blue, parmesan, gouda etc.)
5 oz of you favorite breakfast meat, cooked (ground sausage, bacon, ham, ground beef, turkey, etc.)
Oil, butter, or nonstick cooking spray of your choice for greasing tins (we used Kerrygold butter)

Preheat oven to 350. In large bowl, whisk eggs and milk. Add in other ingredients and mix well. Fill greased muffin tins 3/4 full using a ladle, be sure to get down to the bottom of the bowl for even distribution of filling. Bake on middle rack for 18 minutes. Remove from oven when tops begin to golden, set on wire racks in tins for 5 minutes. With a table knife, go around each frittata to loosen, remove from tin and cool on wire racks. Store in airtight container.

Makes 36.

***********************************************************************

These will stay good in the refrigerator for 5 days, the freezer for a good few months. Freeze in small batches to defrost only what you need. Reheat in microwave (30 seconds) or toaster oven (10 minutes in a preheated toaster oven).**

*Number of eggs used depends on how eggy you like it. I usually use somewhere between 12-15. Fewer eggs will make it more cake-like, more eggs will make it more like a true frittata and be more like scrambled eggs.

**I recommend the toaster oven if possible, the taste is better, the heating is even, and the texture is consistent. Microwaves can do strange things to food, specially eggs.

Don’t think you have room in the freezer for 36 mini frittatas? Here’s the reduced version of the same flexible recipe:

***********************************************************************

Small-Batch Protein Packed Make-Ahead Mini Frittatas
Bake time: 18 minutes at 350.

5 eggs
1/3 C unsweetened milk of your choice (if using almond milk, use 2 Tablespoons with 1 Tbsp water)
3 tsp of your favorite fresh herbs (we used parsley, basil, and chives)
OR
1 tsp of your favorite dried fresh herbs (i.e. rosemary, sage, oregano, etc.)
1/3 C cooked quinoa (be sure to rinse before cooking)
1/8 tsp of salt (slightly more if not using a salty meat option)
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
1/2 C precooked chopped veggies, tender (broccoli, mushrooms, asparagus, onions, peppers, etc.)
1/4 C choice of shredded or crumbled cheese, optional (mozzarella, cheddar, blue, parmesan, gouda etc.)
1.25 oz of you favorite breakfast meat, cooked (ground sausage, bacon, ham, ground beef, turkey, etc.)
Oil, butter, or nonstick cooking spray of your choice for greasing tins (we used Kerrygold butter)

**********************************************************************
And last but not least, just for funsies:
***********************************************************************

Protein Packed Individual Frittata
Bake time: 15 minutes at 350.

1-2 eggs
1 tbsp unsweetened milk of your choice (if using almond milk, use 2 Tablespoons with 1 Tbsp water)
1/4 tsp (dash) of your favorite fresh herbs (we used parsley, basil, and chives)
OR
1/8 tsp (pinch) of your favorite dried fresh herbs (i.e. rosemary, sage, oregano, etc.)
1 tbsp cooked quinoa (be sure to rinse before cooking)
pinch tsp of salt (slightly more if not using a salty meat option)
bigger pinch of ground black pepper
1/8 C of precooked chopped veggies, tender (broccoli, mushrooms, asparagus, onions, peppers, etc.)
1 tbsp choice of shredded or crumbled cheese, optional (mozzarella, cheddar, blue, parmesan, gouda etc.)
Some of you favorite breakfast meat, cooked (ground sausage, bacon, ham, ground beef, turkey, etc.)
Oil, butter, or nonstick cooking spray of your choice for greasing tins (we used Kerrygold butter)

Preheat oven to 350 (toaster oven works well for this). In small bowl, whisk eggs and milk. Add in other ingredients and mix well. Fill greased small Mason jar, mug, or 3.5” cast iron skillet, fill with egg mixture. Bake on middle rack for 15 minutes. Remove from oven when tops begin to golden, set on wire racks for 5 minutes. With a table knife, go around the individual frittata to loosen, remove from tin and cool on wire racks. Serve warm.

_____________

What mix-ins would you want to try in your mini-frittatas? What other breakfast and morning survival strategies do you use?

_____________

11 Ways To Keep Food Allergy Kids Safe

September 10, 2015 by Carrie Leave a Comment

It’s back to school time. I heard the internet’s collective cheer as parents and children started a new school year, and then the following week grumble as new clothes lost their shimmer and the reality of the next nine months starts to settle in like a fog.

With every new school year comes an increasing debate around food allergies. Peanuts, tree nuts, soy, dairy, wheat, avocado, strawberries, eggs, fish, chicken, you name it, someone is allergic to it. (Whatever we are doing as a society with and to our food, it’s beginning to emerge as allergies in our children. But that’s another post.)

My son, E, is one of those allergy kids. In fact, his allergies are so severe, I cannot send him to group childcare or preschool. I want him to have the socialization. I think it’s incredibly important. But his list of allergens is so extensive, group settings with other small children just isn’t safe.

But one day, my kid will have to go to school. He’s outgrowing many of his allergies, and by the time he’s ready for kindergarten, I’m hopeful that he will be completely okay. Chances are slim that wheat and eggs will ever be okay for him, though. And I think peanuts will always pose a problem while he’s young.

So, as the school year pushes into full swing, so does the conversation around eliminating certain foods from our schools. It’s a hot topic this year, and we are all divided. I’m always going to side with the most vulnerable among us, especially because this hits so close to home. This isn’t a debate about anything. This is about caring for children who could die from inhaling PEANUT DUST. Or vomits to shock from a crumb of wheat.

Wash hands after eating. My niece, who is allergic to peanuts, reacts to traces of peanut residue on the shopping cart. My son pukes when he gets a tiny crumb of wheat. Wash hands, okay?
Wipe mouths after eating. If you think your child might put their hands in their mouths after eating, go ahead and wipe their mouths. If you plan on kissing or hugging a kid with food allergies, take this to heart. Your love should not cause pain.
Create a safe zone. Remove shoes before entering a house where children have food allergies. If you have someone over who has food allergies, wipe surfaces down, and give a good sweep or vacuum.
Don’t mix food with toys. Don’t allow food to be in the same space as toys. Contact reactions are real, and they’re scary. Kids eat in a designated area, kids play in designated area and wash hands after eating, before playing.
Consider changing your routine. If you or your child eats peanut butter or wheat bread at home before school, consider eating first, then washing hands and face, brushing teeth, and then changing clothes to minimize contact.
Take allergies seriously. Yep, food allergies are a total pain in the peanuts. I get it. But you know what’s more painful? People (and specifically children who are too young to fully advocate for themselves) dying from a speck of peanut dust they inhaled that could have easily been prevented. Why did they die a needless death? Because you wrote the mom off as crazy. And speaking of crazy…
Acknowledge the crazy. Parents of children with food allergies are totally crazypants. I’m raising my hand here because it’s true. But imagine the entire world was full of poison that could kill your child at any given moment and the only thing standing between death (or a trip to the ER) and your kid is YOU. All the time. You would be crazy, too. Hug that frazzled mom next time you see her.
Skip food crafts. Macaroni art or jewelry making? Use toothpicks or beads. I’ll buy some for your classroom, and I’m sure every food allergy parent would gladly buy the supplies.
Talk to your kids about food allergies. Your children are soaking up every attitude you have, more than every word you say. The words are still important, though. Talk to them about the importance of keeping each other safe and discuss ways you can work together to keep their friends safe.
Volunteer to eliminate peanuts (or known allergens) from your child’s school lunch. Keeping our kids safe in community space relieves massive pressure for Crazypants Allergy Mom and Dad.
Become an advocate. Be a safe harbor for these kids. Advocate for their safety, just as you would if it was your child in danger. Learn how to use an Epi pen. Learn CPR and brush up on food handling safety. Be a vocal supporter in the PTA, support separate eating areas and safe classroom policies. Give Crazypants Mom and Dad a hug and a bottle of wine when you see them.

Every child deserves to feel and be safe in our schools. You can help make that happen. Now, go forth and switch your peanut butter sammies to sunbutter and try to keep your sanity this school year. And for the love of Zeus, STOP MINIMIZING ALLERGIES. It’s harmful and directly hurts the children in your community.

Your Crazypants Allergy Mama,
Carrie

Creamy Polenta Ragu {Vegan and Gluten-Free}

September 7, 2015 by Carrie 3 Comments

I have these neighbors. We will call them Wilfredo and Valentina, because those are their actual names. Cool, right? Well, they ARE cool and totally live up to those epic names. They moved in downstairs about eight months ago from New Jersey and we have become close friends. So close, in fact, that my two year old son, E, feels totally comfortable opening their front door and walking right in to say hello at any hour of the day. (Yeah, we’re working on the whole concept of knocking.)

Wilfredo and Valentina are both avid athletes. It’s not uncommon to see them sprinting up and down the steep hill in front of our building, or doing interval training in the parking lot at dawn. And rain or shine, Wilfredo is running his heart out, getting ready to run UltraMarathon races, and Valentina is probably completing a 50 mile bike ride as part of her triathlon training before heading off to work. They have a serious love for activity, the outdoors, and competition.

They’re also VEGAN.

Now, we eat many animal products in our house. We eat plenty of veggies and fruits, too. But we are decidedly not vegan.

Our tribe here has expanded to enfold Wilfredo and Valentina into our hearts. We want to fully integrate them into our little community and become a safe place for these New Jersey transplants.

But here’s the thing: I love them. I love them BIG. They love my kid fiercely and he loves them fiercely right back. My love language is food. So, in order to share our table with them, I’ve been experimenting with dishes outside of my normal food repertoire.

But here’s another thing: Every single person in our tribe has special food things. E takes the (gluten-free, nut-free, egg-free, dairy-free, soy-free, carrot-free) cake because of his FPIES, but he certainly is not the only one who needs special food. But nobody has excluded animal products entirely from their diets.

Until now.

So, when the tribe decided to do a vegan brunch a few weeks ago, I accepted this challenge with great excitement. Because even though you will never see me sprinting up and down the hill for funsies, I do love a good challenge. And if the challenge translates to a little food love, then even better.

Everyone can technically eat corn, including E. I typically try to avoid it, but it doesn’t make me feel like wheat does. I also wanted to do a homestyle dish that was still healthy and everyone could enjoy. I began to dream about casseroles, baked dishes, and rich, flavorful sauces.

Creamy, hot polenta dishes started filling my mind. It’s easy to veganize polenta. So, I scoured the internet looking for recipe ideas. I hit a wall when I couldn’t find exactly what I was looking for and started getting frustrated.

Then I remembered that I can cook. DUH.

I started extracting favorite elements from dishes that looked great. Easy enough. Then I got to work.

I discovered that making the polenta first and baking it for a bit gave it the perfect texture. Scoring it, and then topping it with a simple tomato and veggie mixture and putting it in the oven to bake longer made mouth magic.

I brought my finished polenta dish before our tribe. I know I can count on them to give me their honest feedback. They tasted. They went back for seconds. They lamented when it was over, especially Wilfredo and Valentina. Luckily, I made an extra dish of it just for them, and walked it downstairs after brunch was done. They were stoked.

This dish is the classic, simple-food-done-right, love-in-a-Pyrex pan taste of comfort every person needs in their life. Probably right now.

You can make your own variations by using what you have on hand. THIS DOESN’T HAVE TO BE VEGAN. But then again, you can’t share it with your awesome vegan neighbors if it’s not. So, prepare wisely.

Ingredients for Polenta:

2 cups dry polenta
4 cups unsweetened, unflavored hemp milk (or regular milk)
2/3 cup water
½ cup Nutiva Shortening, or butter
1-2 tsp sea salt

Ingredients for Ragu:

1 jar crushed tomatoes
2 fresh tomatoes, chopped
1 onion, chopped
4 cloves of garlic, crushed
1 bunch spinach or chard, chopped
1-2 zucchini, chopped
2 Tbsp olive oil
4 leaves fresh basil, or 1 Tbsp dried
4 leaves fresh sage, or 1 tsp dried
1 Tbsp fresh rosemary, or 1 Tbsp dried
1 Tbsp black pepper
1 tsp sea salt

Directions for Polenta:

Cook polenta according to instructions on package, subbing water for milk. Add additional water to thin it out. It should be a smooth, creamy texture, and easy to stir.
Pour polenta into a large, greased casserole dish. Bake on 350 degrees for 20 minutes.
Remove from oven, and score with a sharp knife into 1-2 inch squares, but do not remove from the dish.

Instructions for Ragu:

(Note: This is great to start while the polenta bakes in the oven.)

Saute onion and garlic in oil, then add herbs, tomatoes, zucchini and sauce. Bring to a low boil.
Remove from heat, and stir in spinach or chard.
Pour over polenta, and bake for 30 additional minutes, or until mixture is bubbling.
Serve and eat immediately, or store for leftovers.

This freezes okay, but stays good in the refrigerator for a week. But the thing is, I don’t think it will last that long. This is comfort food at it’s very best.

Hug a vegan,
Carrie

Are you interested in learning more about vegan eating and running? Visit Wilfredo’s blog over at Eat, Run and Done.

Honestly Ever After {Part Two}

September 3, 2015 by Carrie 2 Comments

Friends, meet Kelli Martinelli. She is a bright, innovative soul who I asked to write a guest post for you. Kelli has a unique parenting and partnering style that defies social norms, and works for her family. Something that I love about Kelli is her willingness to put everything out there. She never pretends that things are perfect or easy, but there is an inspiring warmth in her tone and outlook. I’m excited to share this with you. While it is always easy to throw stones, especially when we don’t fully understand or agree, I encourage you to open your hearts and minds to Kelli’s story. She’s found a way to make her family and her life work and is brave enough to put it all out there. Honestly. Click here for Part One and Part Three of her story.

*****************************

My daughter with one of her epic guardians at my son’s baseball game, where we watched with my ex-husband and his partner, all together.

From this divorce a community of guardians arose, which is as epic as it sounds. My kids have multiple grown-ups in whom they trust, and I have multiple grown-ups who I trust want the best for my children. So whenever I battle the stabbing gut feeling that hits me when I watch my kids get picked up from school by someone else, even though I’m right next door, or when my daughter comes home with an un-approved haircut, or when another parent at school assumes I’m my own children’s babysitter and not their biological mother, I try to remember the epic guardians and take stock in that. When I miss my kids on the 4th of July and wince with bittersweet fondness as the families around me snuggle with their own little ones in front of the fireworks, I try to remember the epic guardians who are giving them 4th of July memories that they’ll hold with them for their lifetimes, and I am overcome with gratitude. Plus then I get to hear their stories when they return! They’ll point to all their bruises and use flailing gestures and overtalking to convey to me the grandness of their adventures. And then when they’re with me, I’ll give them other adventures that complement the ones with Mr. Swayze, not compete against them. This practice of sharing and appreciating is the quickest balm to that stabbing gut feeling.

True to my non-impulsive, measured and cautious self that I dream I might one day be, I entered in to a new relationship before a half a year had elapsed on my divorce.

I fell for Mr. Tennant, clever and funny and possessing a brain so puckered with information I often felt like a drooling toddler with a crayon in my teeth by contrast. I introduced Mr. Tennant to the kids a few months in, not as a boyfriend, but as a friend of mine. Mr. Tennant and I were still discovering each other, and I was still discovering life as a single mom. And you know what? That shit’s hard. Take that roller coaster in a hurricane and remove the guard rail across your lap, upside down and holding on with all your strength – that’s single parenting. With time I was Mr. Tennant’s Rose. We were partnered and then shacked up a couple years in. My kids had inherited another epic guardian, someone to introduce them to things that I never could, nor never would have thought to teach them. Like Minecraft. Or Weird Al. But all the polka music and video games and Lego mini-figs in the world don’t point to unending and unchanging perceptions of happiness.

Mr. Tennant and I were honest with each other. For 3 ½ years we struggled in the face of incompatibility. We knew it early on, but dammit, we liked each other. We saw value in each other. We were friends. But we always felt like two strong magnets on swivels, pushing together then pulling apart, pushing together then pulling apart. The truth is I didn’t celebrate him the way he deserved to be celebrated, and he couldn’t do the same for me. So despite fear of a new openness, we released our grip, and instead reached out for worlds that were true and consistently magnetic to each of us. I had to allow myself to be pulled fiercely by a life lived honestly, instead of being pulled intermittently by someone. We waited a month after making the decision before we told the kids. One night after dinner I told them they could go to the pantry and get down the horrifyingly huge jar of leftover holiday candy and pick out a few pieces. Not one! A few. As they delightedly separated the Nerds from the Sweet Tarts, I took a deep breath and let the kids know that Mr. Tennant and I would no longer be boyfriend and girlfriend. But, Mr. Tennant would always be our friend, and in fact, would continue to be our roommate for awhile. My daughter’s lip quivered and she asked “But … will you still cook him food?” I answered that I would if he wanted to join us, and that seemed to satisfy her, and thus the candy consuming continued. Amidst a sugar-buzzed semi-sadness, Mr. Tennant and I toasted teacups and glanced at each other with a shared thought “Well that went as well as possible.”

We still do eat together sometimes. Sometimes we watch a movie or hike together. My daughter still gets sad at the thought of him not living with us come fall, and she cries. She loves Mr. Tennant, her other epic guardian. It’s not like we’re all starry eyed and tie-dyed and know no feeling but effervescent bliss. But we’re being honest. And it’s hard to feel bitter when you know all are being honest in word and emotion. I’ve watched already as Mr. Tennant has re-gained some important pieces of himself that he lost in partnership with me. I’m finding pieces of my own. If a relationship isn’t working, no matter if it’s romantic or friendly or biologically related, and you’ve tried and tried and tried but you’re still kinda treading water in an increasingly murky pool with that person, it’s time to swim to a new part of your waters. Head toward that openness.

Click here for the conclusion in Part Three.